Monday, November 02, 2009

Became second in Area Contest

I became second out of six club winners in the National Area Toastmasters contest in the category Humorous Speech, and so I am allowed to compete in the Division meeting Mid November with the winners from France, the Netherlands, and Belgium.

Here is my speech: (Please note that TUG stands for The Ugliest Girl in the Discotheque.)
The hunter hunts the prey
But sometimes the prey starts hunting the hunter!

Fellow Toastmasters, Welcomed Guests, That's exactly what happened to me!

I am stuttering and I was at an intensive three week stuttering therapy to work on my speech.
One night, we went to the local discotheque
We were dancing....
And my therapist comes over:
Tom Why don't you practise controlling your stuttering in a demanding speaking situation?
Try to chat up a few girls!
Look Tom, remember what you did in therapy.
It is all about hierarchies. Try the least demanding situation first.
Ok. Ok. Ok. But what is the least demanding speaking situation when chatting up girls.
And then I got it: TUG! I need to start with TUG.
I know I know you don't like this.
But consider my situation:
I could not possibly chat up the most beautiful girl in the discotheque.
Why? Because every single men stutters when talking to her: H---helllo. C--an I buy you a drink
Do you want me to keep on stuttering?
I need to do this for therapeutic reasons. I hate to do it, but I have to do it!
It's like in animal movies. You know at the end:
In the process of making this movie no animal has been harmed!
TUG doesn't know that she is TUG.
No! Only I know about it, and possibly all my friends. But that's it!
And FINALLY, she should be happy to talk me.
After all, I am NOT the ugliest guy in the discotheque!
I am tall, handsome, and charming...
First I am locating TUG.
MMm... mmmm.. mmm..
I cant do this. I do not want to offend someone.
Ok. You. I know you are a man... a very strong man.
But can you play TUG? OK. Thanks!
So I am scanning my environment! And then I found her.
TUG! It was her.
But how should I approach her?
Chat-up lines are extremely funny -- for men. Not for women.
I am just going to be natural.. Just be yourself Tom.
And I am the nicest guy in the discotheque!
Hi, I am Tom. How are you?
But how should approach her?
I am going to dance to her slowly
So I am dancing and getting closer.
So I move to her and say: Hi, I am Tom. How are you?
And she says: MISERABLE. NAFF OFF. And storms off!
--- walking back and down ----
Just imagine:
Not even... I repeat... Not even TUG wants to talk to me!!
A complete disaster, my friends were laughing.
So I was trying to hunt the weakest prey: TUG.
But at the end of the night. I was been hunted.
And I swear to god, I never tried to chat up any more girls!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Old sales proverb:

"One must receive a certain number of "NO's" before receipt of a "YES". The number of "NO's" cannot be known, and varies.