Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Dont we love listening to fellow stutterers
I found several videos on YouTube of people stuttering in front of the camera: see here. I am always amazed by my own reaction like: for god sake why does he not speak slower and relax, speaking is not that difficult I can do it now. And obviously in similar situation I do exactly the same thing!
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I have the same reaction when I hear others stutter. I get so annoyed when fluent speakers tell me to slow down or relax, but I have the same thoughts going through my head when I hear others stutter. Moreover, at my first group therapy, I kept finishing the sentences of other clients when they would struggle. It is odd how we do some of the very things we hate when we are in the listener's shoes.
I do NOT love listening to fellow stutterers.
At the same time as I think "he should slow down/breathe better/use techniques, etc", a larger part of my reaction is discomfort not to the stuttering itself, but to the sight of a person in pain, a person strugging. In the same way it hurts me to see a nearly blind 85-year old out in the cold wet world and struggling to limp across the street, it bothers me to see someone having difficulty communicating. Also, as a stutterer myself, I am particularly sensitive to signs of speech dysfluency. And finally, I recognize myself, I don't like what it reminds me of (in my own life) and it makes me uncomfortable - it's "too close to home." I observe someone with a tightness in their chest, and I feel a tightess in my own chest. I see someone with a facial or vocal struggle, and I struggle to stay calm.
Call me a "self hating stutterer" - probably partly true, and relevant to my final reason above: it reminds me of myself and my struggles. But my main reasons is the first: It hurts me to see people in pain.
When a person stutters easily and is less botherd by it, I also am less bothered by it. But the struggle of a stutter and its accompanying pain are difficult for me to observe dispassionately
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